We no longer know what it means to be masculine and feminine for three reasons:
The father has disappeared (divorce, etc) from the home which prevents the sons from becoming men and the daughters from learning how to relate to men.There are no longer any rituals that transform boys into men.The patriarchy has become an abusive system because it is operated by boys, not men.
The path from boyhood to manhood consists of integrating various parts of one’s personality during a process culminating with a ritual event guided by an old wise man. During this ritual, the boy’s Ego dies and he becomes a man.
Lack of mentors on the one hand and the disappearance of rituals on the other make it difficult for boys to become fully integrated men.
Luckily, all men have inside their psyche several archetypal images of the masculine. By reconnecting to these images, men can draw on healthy masculine energy and become masculine men.
There are four healthy boy archetypes that each have their active and passive Shadow poles; and four healthy men archetypes that each have their active and passive Shadow poles.
The masculine archetypes.
The boy archetypes cannot be erased; rather, they need to be transcended to access the adult archetypes.
The boy archetypes are:
The Divine Child: like Jesus, he’s powerful and fragile. He needs protection from the armies that want to kill him. ◦ The High Chair Tyrant: the love and care he receives are never enough, so he rejects them, thereby destroying the very thing he needs. Icarus’ story, pathological narcissism. ◦ The Weakling Prince: overprotected, he needs constant care. Anything is too much for him.The Precocious Child: he wants to know everything. ◦ The Trickster: envious, he wants to destroy those he sees as better than him. He pretends he is better than he actually is, tricks people, then makes fun of them. ◦ The Dummy: he pretends he doesn’t understand anything while in fact, he just thinks of himself as too good to reveal who he is.The Oedipal Child: he seeks connection to the Great Mother whose love and nurture he needs. ◦ The Mama’s Boy: obsessed with getting women’s love, he suffers from Don Juan’s syndrome. ◦ The Dreamer: he dreams of love and relationships with real people but doesn’t go and get them. He develops relationships with intangible things as a result.The Hero: he thinks of himself as invincible and immortal. He conquers, but he doesn’t know what to do with his conquests. He needs to break the bond with the mother and become courageous enough to fight off the villains of life by himself. ◦ The Grandstander Bully: he gets enraged when his “rightful” place at the center gets challenged. He mainly seeks to impress others. ◦ The Coward: he doesn’t stand up for himself and lets himself be abused until he snaps and transforms into the Grandstander Bully.
The Hero dies when he encounters humility (knowing one’s limits + asking for help)
The King: he has two functions: order, and fertility and blessing. The King brings order to his kingdom through the Word. He gives blessing (aka validation) and fertility (children) to the land of his kingdom (the Queen). When the King falls ill, so does his kingdom. ◦ The Tyrant: he identifies with the archetype and refuses to give up power. He fears the youth and vigor of his children that he keeps on belittling. ◦ The Weakling: Uncentered, and dependent on attention, he underlies the Tyrant who attacks anyone he projects his weakness on.The Warrior: aggressive, aware of his death, and with a clear mind, the Warrior trains for skill, power, and accuracy. He pushes things forward, he’s courageous and takes responsibility. His loyal to someone and doesn’t commit to women. ◦ The Sadist: he is afraid of being swallowed by the feminine as he does not yet trust his own abilities. He enjoys destroying what he sees as soft and feminine because he’s scared of it. ◦ The Masochist: they abuse themselves hoping this will increase their sense of self-worth. They’re not confident so they seek confidence in something external (work -> workaholics, women -> sex addicts, etc). They project their warrior energy onto other people and rely on them for everything.The Magician: he knows what others don’t, and can exploit knowledge and technology. ◦ The Detached Manipulator: he plays with information for personal gains and manipulates others without them knowing. ◦ The Denying Innocent One: he wants the power of the Magician without making the effort of learning. He’s envious of people better and will sabotage them.The Lover: he realizes everything is connected to everything and connects to them too. He rejects boundaries and seeks passion in life. He wants to experience the world and all of its senses. He gives meaning to life. ◦ The Addicted Lover: he seeks the love of the Great Mother which is never enough for him. He has no boundaries and won’t accept any. ◦ The Impotent Lover: he lacks liveliness and becomes depressed, alienated from everyone.
You can access these archetypes with four different techniques:
Active imagination dialogue: engage those “voices” in your head live or through writing. Understand they just want to be noticed and understood, and that they won’t bother you anymore after that.Invocation: choose an image representing an archetype and asks it to give you the power of the archetype within you.Admiring Men: read biographies of great men that embodied one or several archetypes well.Acting “as if”: fake it till’ you make it.